I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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