So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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