I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
