I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
