Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
