i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
