I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
