There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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