I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
