I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
