Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
