At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
