dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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