Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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