I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
