you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize