I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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