I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
