I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
