and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
