I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
