Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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