i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I cut my penus on the lid.
We got so high we made milksteak
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
