She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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