is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
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