running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
