somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
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He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
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Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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