I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
