This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Farmville is her only friend.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Randomize
