Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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