ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
