Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
