Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
