I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
