Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
