This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
