I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
