Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
