i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
