as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
