I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
