I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
