toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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