There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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