You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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