How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
