Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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