She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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