I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
