I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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