so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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