I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Randomize
