Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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