Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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