even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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