she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
