I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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