1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
are you so shy because you have an std?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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