My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
