if you like me you must not know who I am
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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