Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
