people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
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