if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Randomize
